Light, Shadows, Obstacles, and Channels

We women see the shadow of our men, perhaps aggression, perhaps being (in our view) "too friendly," perhaps excessive porn or alcohol use, and in order to get rid of the detrimental effects of the shadow - valid - we extinguish the light.

But shadows aren't caused by light; they're caused by obstacles.

If the light has no path, it can't shine anywhere that might be useful.

What are the obstacles?

Addictions often develop because drive, talent, and curiosity were quenched early in life.

There weren't, for example, sports to immerse a child in, to "keep him out of trouble."

But life force is never destroyed, merely transmuted. If the drive is sedated, buried, it morphs into something else entirely - what we identify later as a shadow.

Why were certain kids constantly in trouble in school?

The number of first person accounts I've heard is manifold, of either:

• Sports, art, or other outlet "saving my life" or

• The lack of forums in which to "exercise my curiosity, my proclivity to lead and influence, my interest in variety and exploration. They were squelched by a family structure obsessed with social status and expectations." Or, there wasn't money. Perhaps the parents were trying to live vicariously through their children, or limit their children to assuage their own guilt for their lack of individuation. For more on this:

https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/the-road-less-traveled/id1780855654?i=1000679004061

It’s no different in adulthood. We still need a way of seeing our effect on the world around us, a place to explore, to have impact, and we need to create. We need to bring order from chaos in some way, to know that we matter.

If the light can't reach the places it's needed, there is by definition a shadow. Darkness, oppression, harm. Constriction and contraction, confusion.

The only thing the light needs in order to enlighten... is a path.

A direction. Even a mirror, reflection, refraction toward something.

But if all the beam of light ever encounters is boxes, obstacles, walls, and haze?

All we have is shadows.

But every shadow points toward the existence of light - it’s the contrast of the light behind and beside its obstacle.

Without light, we have no shadows.

And the brighter the light, the darker the shadow.

Conversely, if we meet someone with a really dark shadow (self destructive behaviour, addiction, relational sabotage),

Perhaps it also means they have an exceptionally bright light that has simply never been shone in the right direction.

What if we thought "ah, that means there's light somewhere" whenever we encountered someone's darkness, and worked to discover its source, and the places in the world that need that light?

What if the answer wasn't to subdue, but rather, to channel?

What if, rather than fearing they wouldn't still choose us if they were truly free, we focused on turning up the voltage of our own light, too?

What if we stopped hiding our, and our partners', light under a bushel, and instead, set it on a hill where it could be seen, brighten, and heal?